Wednesday, November 27, 2013

My Great Great Grandma Mollie Jane Kenney (aka Mary Jane)

Mollie Jane Kenney (also known as Mary Jane) 
She was born February 18 of 1876 in Kentucky - I don't have a death date.

She was married to a James Mynear. I've seen two different spellings for the last name of  Mynear (Mineer) and don't know which is correct. She and James had two kids Callie Dora Mynear (aka Babe) and Audry M. Mynear

I am not sure if James Mynear was Callie's real father or not. Callie did not take on the name Mynear so
either this wasn't her real father or she simply did not like him and didn't take his name. In Callie's Bible she has a lot of Kenney names logged but none of the Mynear name.

Mom told me that Mollie was always a happy woman and mom loved being around her. Mollie smoked a corn cob pop and years later mom wondered if she was smoking marijuana in her pipe. Especially since marijuana grew like wild flower in Kentucky. Mom says that it is through Mollie that we get our Cherokee bloodline. 

Here is what mom had to say about Mollie -
"Mary Jane lived to be around 90 ...I think. I don't know of any illnesses.
she smoked a corn cob pipe and liked her blackberry wine. she loved to joke around and absolutely did NOT take guff from anyone at all. Pretty healthy I guess. I've often wondered what she smoked in her pipe as she was always in a good mood. a lot of "tobacco" grew wild in Ky."

I have no idea who took this picture but I wonder how Mollie felt about having herself taken while coming out of an outhouse. lol! 

Below is Mollie Jane's Family tree line. And If I have this right .. she was one of  eight kids with her parents being Willis Kenney and Ruth Jane Feeback

Friday, November 22, 2013

Jellybean Street

Not a thought in my mind -
Clouds under my feet -
Just breezin' along ---
on Jellybean street!

* Mom - I hope the clouds are under your feet ... breezing you along on Jellybean Street. Save a couple for me, Cute!  :)

On this page I will include some of mom's sayings, bits and pieces mom scribbled down on paper. Things I remember her having said and the entries in her journal. Today marks two weeks of mom's passing. She passed November 8th, 2013. Not a day has gone by that I don't think of you Cute. :)  Jellybean Street was mom's own made up little poem. I found it scribbled down on a piece of paper stuck in her journal book, but I remember her telling me about it when she made it up. It later became a password she used. It shows her fun whimsical side and brings a smile more now than ever. It's a shame I didn't think so much about it when she first told me about it. It sure brightens my days now though! 

1. Mom often called me Sweet Tater during our Skype conversations. We talked every single day on Skype or Windows Live Messenger before it shut down. She also called me LoveLee. My middle name is Lee. She had other pet names for me too but Sweet Tater was the one she often used.

2. "This Too Shall Pass". *A favorite sayings of hers.

3. "Slow goes the go of the slow" - *a made up saying of hers.  :)

4. "Pink daylilies upon a slender stalk - Lilies of the Valley deck my garden walk." *Scribbled on a piece of paper stuck in her Journal. 

5. "Buttermilk Skies" *Scribbled a ways down on the Jellybean Street poem. Perhaps another poem she was thinking about?

6. "I plant the seeds God makes them grow - God sends the rain I work the hoe" 
 *Scribbled on a piece of paper stuck in her Journal. I Googled and found a bible verse that I thought was cool -  1 Corinthians 3:6-9

7.  Casa Blanca Lily -

Remembering  your exquisite bloom
Conjuring up your haunting perfume
Captive of your enticing power
Hot damn what a flower!!

*Scribbled on a piece of paper stuck in her Journal.  One year mom bought Casa Blanca Lilies for all three of us - Herself, Cari and I. There was a couple of years we all bought each other Mother's Day flowers. Lilies mostly and Casa Blanca was one of them.

8.  "Dew is to the flowers -- As gentle words to the soul." *Scribbled on a piece of paper stuck in her Journal. 

9. "there can be nothing happy for the person over whom some fear always looms". *Scribbled on a piece of paper stuck in her Journal.  

She also has this word in quotation marks - "Dionysius" ... I looked it up and it means - Greek soldier: Tyrant of Syracuse.  Tyrant - a cruel and oppressive ruler. 

Mom told me a number of times that JP wasn't always what he seemed. Not always so nice. He wasn't abusive physically, but he had a mean streak. I don't know if this poem was written with him in mind or not ... but I believe so. He wasn't a very loving man. He never held hands, hugged or kissed mom. She told me a number of times that she felt horribly alone and missed being physically touched the way dad (Ray) use to touch and hold her and cuddle and snuggle with words of endearment. She told me she had been celibate for many years and not by choice. When mom would try to question JP about it .. he'd clam up and wouldn't talk about anything. 

Mom took care of JP financially and told me she paid for most all the bills. He had a social security check of about 800 dollars a month coming in. I'm sure he helped mom out some but I now wonder what he did with his money if he wasn't helping her much.  He cared a great deal for mom I'm sure .. but I wonder if he ever really truly loved her. Mom never thought so. She had a fear of being left alone so she didn't want to ask him to leave. What a terrible way to live. To be with a person, your partner, for 17 years and never receive the kind of love you so desperately need and want. My heart breaks every time I think about it. 

10. "An obsidian visitor arrives - torrid - reveries distant - far from peace pleas - he burdens my soul ripping asunder my pitiful peace. oh, for a moment of pastel peace.  wrung me out - cast me aside - Caring not my soul has cried. Melancholy on the wind. an obsidian visitor arrives - sorrow in the grass murky water drowns my eyes - infecting with your poison disabling my mundane world and shattering the crystal peace I feed upon"

* that is so heavy and heart wrenching. I don't know what this is about. John Paul again perhaps? I'll never know.

11.  "Trampling the verdant meadows of my reverie".  *Scribbled on a piece of paper stuck in her Journal. 


"I can feel your pen upon the paper - Words you inscribe to me" 

"I caress the stars"

"When I smile and candy coat the pain"

"Ice cream and butterflies"*Scribbled on a piece of paper stuck in her Journal. 

13. "To be rich is no longer a sin --- it's a miracle!"  *Scribbled on a piece of paper stuck in her Journal. 

14. "Delirium brings comfort to the dying"  *Scribbled on a piece of paper stuck in her Journal. 

Entries In Mom's Journal -

The Book is Titled "The Sacred Journey - Daily Journal For Your Soul 2009"

There wasn't a lot of entries in this journal but I hope to eventually include them all here. I'm pretty sure the book was a used one she found at the Gospel Mission. It appears her logs started in 2010.

My own comments will be after an asterisk * 

On the first page -

1. "Bonnie's many faces & souls & hidden selves over many years - entries & moods - ideas, thoughts, bitchin' & singing & whistling."


2.  Second Entry - Next to the word My Credo she writes: "Fairness - Honor - To thine own self be true."

Then She writes -

"Escape - 
Always escape those voices from the past - that trample the fallow fields of my fright ... of the scared little girl and the things that appear in the night ... in the dark ... in the stillness of shame."

* My thought -  I can't be sure .. but I believe that entry was about her step dad, Bull. He forced sexual acts with mom when she was just a little girl and he threatened her not to ever speak of them. Mom has told me in the past there was never any penetration but the humiliation and the horror and shame of what he did  left deep and lasting scars. She hated him the rest of her life.


Third Entry - Next to the word Financial/Career  she writes: Forget it! Too late Maria!!

* that made me laugh Mom! 

August 16, 2010 - I really want to change these figures! Seeing how Jodi & Pat are becoming so healthy and taking better care of themselves really has inspired me.
Weight - 165 (OMG!!)
Waist - 37" (UGH!!)


Fourth Entry - December 30, 2009

Next to the word Gratitudes: ---- I am most grateful most of all ---- for now and evermore ---- for my wonderful daughters. The daughters who define me, who give me reason to go on and make me want to see tomorrow. They are the flowers in my garden.

* Cute, you were the sunshine that we needed to grow on! You were the sunshine of my heart mom. I love you.  :)

On right side of page - 

December 30, 2009

I have the opportunity to live another month with a fairly healthy body and somewhat intact mental capacity :). I have the will to lose weight if I just put it to work as I did with the cigarettes. I want to get more exercise and get my body stronger for the time when I am unable to get around by myself and at least be able to help the girls drag my butt around the house.


Fifth Entry - 

Next to the word Opportunities: For my flowers names - they must not go unnamed or unnoticed or uncared for. Their pictures will remain forever. Lets call them ..... 
Neptune Wind - Hot burning Osiris - 2000 degrees - 
Marmalade skies - Pulsar - Verdant Vortex
Creation - Planemo - a planet with no sun!
Big Bang - Chaos - Cute Chaos - Cherry Chaos
Super Nova - Helio Sun -
Venus Between Us! Cygnus (Swan) Osiris

Solar Flare - Nebula
Avocado Bravado -

Next to the word GOALS: Light year - 6 trillion miles a year

* Mom loved astronomy and she loved Carl Sagan and his show "Cosmos: A Personal Voyage" She believed in the Big Bang Theory.

It was only a year or so ago (today is 11/22/2013) that mom had told me she made her peace with God ... Did she still believe in the Big Bang Theory too? I don't know. 

I had to look up some of these words .. and I know it tickles mom that I did! lol.

Cygnus - is a northern constellation lying on the plane of the Milky Way, deriving its name from the Latinized Greek word for swan.

Swans - are bird of the family Anatidae within the genus Cygnus.

Osiris - is an Egyptian god, usually identified as the god of the afterlife, the underworld and the dead. He was classically depicted as a green-skinned man with a pharaoh's beard, partially mummy-wrapped at the legs, wearing a distinctive crown with two large ostrich feathers at either side, and holding a symbolic crook and fail.

Another description of Osiris - A god originally connected with fertility, husband of Isis and father of Horus. He is known chiefly through the story of his death at the hands of his brother Seth and his subsequent restoration to a new life as ruler of the afterlife.

Carl Sagan was an American astronomer, astrophysicist, cosmologist, author, science popularizer and since communicator in astronomy and natural sciences.

  • * np2nwnd :)  I love it Cute!

  • A quote my daughter, Lacey, just left one her facebook that I like -

    "Time Is Like A River - You cannot touch the same water twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again. Enjoy every passing moment of life."

  • __________

    To be continued ...

    Wednesday, November 20, 2013

    My Great Grandma Callie Dora Mynear - Kenney/Howard (aka Babe)

    October 29 1900 - May 5 1990 (Callie was 90 years old when she passed)

    Link to more pictures of this Bible -  HERE

    Callie Dora Kenney (everyone called her Babe) was my Great-Grandma. While I didn't see her very often I do remember having visited her a few times with my mom and grandma. I've been a little confused by her last name. I know she later married a Howard when she gave birth to grandma and grandma's siblings. In her Bible she logs a lot of Kenney names. The Kenney names are spelled two different ways. I'm guessing someone else had also logged some of the names and just spelled it wrong.

    Callie's mom was Mollie Jane Kenney and I have James Mynear as her dad. I don't know if this is Callie's real dad or not. And I don't know if the name Mynear is spelled correctly. I have it as Mineer too. I don't know why Callie didn't take the name Mynear. Or why there are no Mynear names in the Bible. Perhaps she never liked her dad or James wasn't her real father? I don't know. In this Bible Callie's last name is logged as Callie Kenney ... the same as her mother's maiden name.

    Here is a list of all the names that was in Callie's Bible. Some were very faded but this is as best as I could decipher -

    Hanson Kenny - Born February 22 1898 (?)

    Huldy ? ( not sure of first name) Kenny - Born July 4 1899 ?

    Mary R. Kenney - Born September 11 1904

    Nellie Kenney - Born February 18 1907

    Lizzy M. Kenny and Lindsay J. Reno (?) was married October 20 1897

    Owen Kenney was married January 19 1898

    George Lee Carson - Born October 10 1906

    Aunt Masy (can't make out the name) Cook died March 17 1911

    Owen Kenney - Born August 27 1868

    John Lewis Kenny - Born June 20 1870

    James M. Kenney - Born May 10 1872

    Mary Jane Kenny - Born February 18 1876

    Liza M. Kenny - Born February 3 1877

    Alice Kenny - Born February 17 1879

    Harlan Kenny - Born May 16 1882

    Hattie Kenney - Born April 16 1885 (?)

    Audry M Kenny - Born October 10 1896

    Levy (Can't make the first name out) Kenney - Born July 14 1891 ? Can't make out the last number.

    Ada Kenney - Born November 14 1891

    Hazel Ray Reno - Born September 6 1898

    Malcolm A. Reno - Born August 7 1900 (?)

    John L. Kenny Died September 2 1874

    Alice Kenny Died April 20 1898

    Nellie Kenney died February 11 1908

    Owen Kenney died December 9 1908

    Edward Cason Born December 6 1908

    Harry falas (?) Cason Born July 11 1911

    Callie Kenney Born October 29 1900

    John S Feeback died September 29 1896

    Willis Kenney and Rutha J Feeback was married October 10 1867

    A little of what I remember mom telling me about Babe (Callie Dora Kenney), her mom (Carrie Mable Howard) and her dad (Pascal Hall).

    Babe was a big Bible thumper and this turned mom off from God and the Bible for most of her life as she said Babe "crammed it down everyone's throats". Mom says she belives it even drove Babe's husband away from her along with lots of other people. Mom did however tell me, just months before she passed away, that she (my mom) had made her peace with God. Babe always favored mom's two brothers (Gary and Denny Hall) over her. Mom had a lot of animosity towards Babe and often told me she was a cold hearted woman.  

    Although mom and grandma (Carrie Mable Howard) ended up having a good relationship years later and when they both were older .. it wasn't always a good one. Mom said she and her brothers were often left alone to fend for themselves at such a young age. They went without food many times and often had to steal bread from the store to eat. Grandma worked but liked to be in the bars when she wasn't working. This was after her husband, mom's dad, (Pascal Hall - my real grandpa) had died. At one point Pascal went to Prison because he wrote a bad check for a large sum of money. Pascal was a heavy drinker and would at times become abusive. or try to! Mom says she remembers when grandma would chase him out of the house with a broom or skillet in her hand or sling something at him. Grandma wouldn't put up with him when he was drunk. Mom says Pascal adored her (mom) and often splurged on her. He would take her for haircuts and out to get her picture taken. He'd buy her cute little outfits etc. Pascal died of on overdose of pills and alcohol. He was drunk and took too many of his prescription pills. Later, grandma would end up marrying one of Pascal's best friend that she met at a bar. Raymond Clyde Eaves, called 'Bull' by everyone in the family. He is the man I always knew as my grandpa.

    Babe was a seamstress in a factory for many years. She worked at Fechheimer's making mens suits and she sewed most all her own clothes. She sewed for others as a second income too. A very hard working woman.

    With WW2 jobs became scarce and many were laid off. Gramma (Carrie Mable Howard) had to leave to Michigan, from Kentucky where she, Babe, mom and mom's brothers were living to get a job as a telephone operator. She and three other woman lived in a tiny cramped apartment so they could make ends meet. Grandma left mom and her brothers with Babe and sent her money whenever she got a check to help support the kids. Babe sewed all of mom's and her brothers clothes. She had a garden and canned most all of her own food. It's a no wonder that Babe may have been a cold woman. It seems to me that she had a lot on her plate with her seamstress jobs, raising her daughters (my gramma)  three kids (my mom and her two brothers), gardening and canning. I don't know if Babe was still working at the factory when gramma had to leave for Michigan but even still, that was a lot of work for Babe to take on.

    **I found the document I was looking for where I had asked mom to say a few little things about some people in the family and this is what she said about Babe -

    "Babe..she was very BIG early in life ...really big...I remember her saying one time that the Dr told her to watch what she ate. that she was "kinda" diabetic. at her weight I could see why.  A
    nd she said...I don't want to go out of this world a piece at a after that I remember her eating boiled chicken and veggies a lot. well we always ate lots of veggies anyhow. On her death certificate it says she died of cardiomyopathy. In the hospital her last few days...she had congestive heart failure. I don't know if she had afibs like me or not. she never talked much about her medical problems as didn't Mary Jane or mom. It was a private thing and they never wanted anyone to think they were complaining. They were proud old gals."

    Death Certificate - (click to view larger size)

    Tuesday, November 19, 2013

    My Baptismal Certificate -

    Do I believe in God? You bet I do! And more so everyday. I've had many of my prayers answered and on some occasions cried having known it was Him that answered my prayers. Some have made me laugh with joy having been answered so quickly! It's such an awesome feeling. God is good! I was baptized as a Southern Baptist but today I consider myself to be more of a non - denominational Christian.

    A while back I went on a search in hopes to be able to find my baptismal certificate. I know I was baptized in Albuquerque, New Mexico. I asked Lacey if she could help me with my search on finding my certificate and she called a place or two but we never could locate it. I had been baptized when I was living with her dad (Wayne) and his mom in Albuquerque. He remembered that the preachers name was Jamie Coleman when Lacey asked him some questions about my baptism. Wayne and I weren't married when I got baptized but I'm pretty sure I was pregnant with Lacey by about 3 months. So I found a blank certificate and just made myself one. Maybe someday I will find the original or be baptized again. Click on the certificate below to view it larger.

    "Then Peter said unto them, Repent and be baptized every on of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost." Acts 2:38 (KJV)

    A few of my favorite scriptures -
    Favorite Scriptures

    On Anger -

    Proverbs 15:1 - A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

    Psalm 37:8 - Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil.

    James 1:19-20 - Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

    Colossians 3:8 - But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.

    Ephesians 4:31 - Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.

    Proverbs 15:18 - A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.

    Ephesians 4:29 - Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.


    Faith Without Works Is Dead

    14 What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? 15 If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, 16 and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? 17 So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.

    Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

    29 Then Levi held a great banquet for Jesus at his house, and a large crowd of tax collectors and others were eating with them. 30 But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law who belonged to their sect complained to his disciples, “Why do you eat and drink with tax collectors and sinners?”
    31 Jesus answered them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.

    * Dear Lord keep my head and my heart in the right place. Forgive me of all my sins past and present. Keep evil away from me and keep me on the path you would have me follow. In the name of Jesus - Amen.

    What's In A Name -

    Just because I thought this was fun and our names were darn close to accurate for a lot of us .. I'm going to include them here.

    As Jodi you are rather serious-minded, responsible, and stable.

    You have the gift of tact and diplomacy, and possess a charming, easy-going nature which endears you to others.

    You have a serious desire to understand the heart and mind of everyone, and could be very effective in a career or in volunteer work where you are handling people and serving in a humanitarian way.

    This name also gives you a love of home and family, and as a parent you would likely be fair and understanding.

    You remember the thoughtful little expressions of affection and appreciation that mean so much to others, and you have the ability to create a warm and loving environment.

    However, you tend to put things off and avoid facing issues because of a lack of confidence and uncertainty.

    You often need encouragement from someone before you can come to a decision.

    This name creates a generally well-balanced and healthy nature, but any weakness in the health would cause problems in the fluid functions, such as kidney or bladder trouble, overweight, or swelling of the legs and ankles.


    Pat with the name Thomas too:

    Your first name of Pat creates individuality, independence, self-confidence, initiative, and an inclination to physical activity.

    You are not inclined to merge your opinions and viewpoints with others, to accept compromise, or to work in a subservient position against your will.

    Your expression is invariably quite direct and candid, and lacks the moderating tone of tact, diplomacy, and friendliness.

    Others find it difficult to accept your domineering and, at times, argumentative manner.

    Your circle of friends is restricted to those of like nature.

    Once friendship is established, you are very loyal and steadfast and do not tolerate gossip or criticism.

    In your close associations and family life, there is little demonstration of sentiment, appreciation, sympathy, or encouragement.

    It is difficult for you to find the right words for such circumstances.

    Weaknesses in the health caused by this name centers in the head.

    ************ ALSO

    The name of Thomas creates a quiet, systematic, and technical nature and a clever, inventive mind, attentive to detail.

    You are attracted to working outdoors in nature, where you would experience the peace and serenity you so much desire.

    You would find electricity, electronics, and similar technical fields of interest, as well as computer, mathematical, and scientific studies.

    You are inclined to be quiet, reserved, patient, and conservative, preferring to test and prove everything to your own satisfaction before committing yourself.

    You like to finish what you start without interruptions, and also to have everything in its place and properly organized.

    You take life seriously and can be easily and deeply hurt and go into moods which can be quite extreme at times, causing turmoil and unhappiness.

    Finding it difficult to join in light conversation with those with whom you are not well acquainted, you could feel quite alone and uncommunicative.

    As a result, you seem aloof.

    Your limited verbal expression--except with those involved in your field of interest--makes it difficult for you to communicate your deeper thoughts even to those closest to you.

    Friendships and personal association are accordingly restricted, as well as business success, because you are over-cautious in venturing into financial risks or promotional effort.

    You could experience sensitivity in your heart, lungs, and bronchial organs, and also suffer from constipation or other ailments affecting the intestinal tract.


    Price with the name Thomas too:

    As Price you seek change, travel, new opportunities, and new challenges.

    Your active, restless nature demands action and you dislike system and monotony.

    As you are versatile and capable, you could do any job well, although you would not like to do menial tasks.

    Having considerable vision, you could be adept at formulating new, more effective ways of doing things.

    You could organize the work of others, though in your impatience to see the job done efficiently, you would likely step right in and do it yourself.

    You could work well in sales and promotion, and would not be afraid to risk a gamble as the name gives you much self-confidence.

    You do not find contentment in the routine tasks and responsibilities that are associated with home and family or with administrative detail in the business world, so you have to guard against frustration and even moods of depression over your personal responsibilities.

    The restlessness this name creates could find an outlet in caustic, irritable expression.

    Also, the intensity of your nature could result in tension in the solar plexus causing stomach trouble and, because you take your responsibilities seriously you could experience much worry.

    ************ ALSO

    The name of Thomas creates a quiet, systematic, and technical nature and a clever, inventive mind, attentive to detail.

    You are attracted to working outdoors in nature, where you would experience the peace and serenity you so much desire.

    You would find electricity, electronics, and similar technical fields of interest, as well as computer, mathematical, and scientific studies.

    You are inclined to be quiet, reserved, patient, and conservative, preferring to test and prove everything to your own satisfaction before committing yourself.

    You like to finish what you start without interruptions, and also to have everything in its place and properly organized.

    You take life seriously and can be easily and deeply hurt and go into moods which can be quite extreme at times, causing turmoil and unhappiness.

    Finding it difficult to join in light conversation with those with whom you are not well acquainted, you could feel quite alone and uncommunicative.

    As a result, you seem aloof.

    Your limited verbal expression--except with those involved in your field of interest--makes it difficult for you to communicate your deeper thoughts even to those closest to you.

    Friendships and personal association are accordingly restricted, as well as business success, because you are over-cautious in venturing into financial risks or promotional effort.

    You could experience sensitivity in your heart, lungs, and bronchial organs, and also suffer from constipation or other ailments affecting the intestinal tract.


    The name of Dustin creates a happy, versatile, and expressive nature, with good business judgment and a fine sense of responsibility, which should enable you to establish congenial relationships in positions of trust where you are dealing with the public.

    You have a clever, quick mind, with the ability to accomplish a great deal in a short period of time, although it is not easy for you to systematize your efforts.

    This name could allow expression along musical and artistic lines and gives you the desire to entertain and to meet and mix with people of refinement and culture.

    It also brings out your love of home and family, and in close association you are able to show understanding and affection.

    Others are attracted by your generosity and your consideration of their interests.

    Although this name is well balanced, if it is combined with a surname that is not harmonious, you would tend to worry and find it difficult to organize your efforts.

    Also, should you over-indulge in sweet, rich foods you could experience skin or liver problems.


    Your name of Lacey has created a practical, responsible, stable nature, and you desire to direct the efforts of others rather than to take order or ask permission.

    You have a determined, self-reliant, capable nature and resent any interference, although in your desire to help you are inclined to become involved in the lives and decisions of other people.

    You like to make your own decisions and to be the master of your domain.

    You feel a limitation in your own expression when it is necessary to reach another through tact and understanding.

    Although you are honest and fair, a directness in speech is a source of much consternation to you, and you often regret what you say.

    You also have a tendency to worry.

    It causes you to be too serious, and interferes with happiness and relaxation that comes with naturalness of expression.

    Health weaknesses center in the head appearing as headaches, head colds, and eye, teeth, ear, or sinus problems.


    The name of Jason has given you sensitivity and appreciation for the finer and deeper things in life. You can enjoy reading, study, and contemplation about many different subjects. 

    When your interests or curiosity are aroused, you work intensely at new undertakings, but your interests often wane when you encounter drudgery and monotony, with the result that you leave many things unfinished. 

    Your name has taken you into many bitter experiences. The greatest lack in your life is stability and peace of mind.

     A peaceful and quiet environment, especially out in nature, is one of your greatest desires, but you are constantly taken into chaotic conditions.

    Because you have high ideals and are a principled person, you have been disillusioned and disappointed in people on many occasions and have experienced much aloneness. 

    You are fond of outdoor sports, where you can find an outlet for your nervous energy. 

    Impulsiveness could bring frequent accidents and unfortunate happenings into your life. You do not like to be restricted or to have your freedom curtailed in any way. 

    You find it difficult to control your thoughts and could swing in moods from one extreme to the other. Your speech can become very critical and sarcastic when you are frustrated or crossed. 

    This name creates a weakness in the heart, lungs, and bronchial organs, and could cause heart trouble, pneumonia, asthma, or tuberculosis. It also creates tension in the nervous system, particularly the solar plexus and stomach, causing nervous indigestion and relative conditions.


    My Daughter-In-Law Dana -

    Your name of Dana makes you easy-going and refined, but detracts from your physical vitality. 

    You desire all the finer things in life--lovely clothes, home, furniture, and environment. However, procrastination is your worst enemy, and you find yourself lacking the ambition to make your dreams a reality. 

    People are inclined to take advantage of your sympathetic, tractable nature. You naturally attract people with problems who seek your understanding and advice. You can give good advice although it is unlikely that you would follow it yourself. 

    You would be most successful in situations where you can use your skills in diplomacy in handling people, but where you are not under pressure or required to carry responsibility and make decisions. 

    It is difficult for you to be individual and make your own decisions, for you lack self-confidence. 

    Your desire for sweet, rich foods could cause overweight, circulatory problems, or weakness in the kidneys.


    Love you Cute!

    Your name of Bonnie creates an intense desire for association with people and new experiences, many of which have been rather bitter.

    This name has given you a gregarious personality and a quick-thinking, creative, and versatile nature, but one that is unstable emotionally.

    You desire change and travel and would enjoy opportunities that allowed you to be creative and to act independently, rather than to conform to system and routine.

    However, this name does not allow you to complete your undertakings, as farther fields always look greener.

    Although you may appear confident and positive, you actually lack confidence and feel self-conscious at times.

    This name spoils patience and depth of thought, and weakens your stand in matters of principle.

    You are too open to suggestion, and thus you could become involved in detrimental associations which could lead you into by-paths of thrill-seeking or emotional indulgence.

    Any weakness in your health would appear in the fluid functions as kidney, bladder, or circulatory problems.

    or in a sensitivity affecting your stomach.

    Friday, November 15, 2013

    Mom Passed Friday November 8th - 2013

    Below are mom's messages to me on Skype about the colonoscopy procedure. I left out all my own comments to better read what she had to say. She passed away on November 8th 2013 just two days after the colonoscopy which took place on Wednesday, November 6th. I believe she passed from complications of the intubation she had during the surgery. She herself did not know she had been intubated until she was told by the EMT the following day when she was having horrible complications at home. You can read what she told me under Thursday, November 7th. I'm angry that the doctor didn't keep her over at the hospital after the colonoscopy especially if she was intubated .. for observations. As of this writing, we are still waiting for the report from the medical examiner.  

    Saturday, November 2nd, 2013:

    tomorrow I can't have seeds..nuts or corn..not easily digestible..and a liquid supper..the colonoscopy will be on Wed. so I'll be doing all the "stuff' for the next few days..the prep is the worst part of the whole thing..

    [11/2/2013 7:06:31 PM] Bonnie Lerma: turn your clocks back tonight ....we turned ours back LAST night thinking it was Sat....harrffff :D
    [11/2/2013 7:07:27 PM] Bonnie Lerma: gonna call it a night Tater...I love you..nite.. (heart)|-)

    Monday, November 4th, 2013:

    hi..just in here for the first time today..had a busy mornin..therapy at 10..then the store and home to have a cup of bullion hungry..but I did have a bowl of cream of wheat this milk just sugar which was ok..
    [11/4/2013 1:22:01 PM] Bonnie Lerma: had a few crackers with the broth and a few bites of applesauce all of which was allowed for today. gonna make some jello in a bit ..has to be yellow in color..lemon or red or orange for obvious reasons.

    Tomorrow will be the bad day of all this business...only liquids all day...will start to drink the huge jug of stuff at 3 in the afternoon..yuck..and then sit on the toilet for a few hours....sure won't be constipated then... :D

    Tuesday, November 5th, 2013:

    I'm so pissed off my afibs got kinda wanting to start !!!!! The hospital called earlier asking all the questions about my health and that stuff and said they would get back with me a little later with the time to be there in the AM
    [11/5/2013 1:55:04 PM] Bonnie Lerma: usually they want you there around 6 or7 in the AM...I always hated it that early but was glad cause all that time without any water was hard. I will take that jug of stuff starting at 3 in about an hour...and after crapping for hours you can't have anything by mouth at all. Only a sip for your morning pill. ....weeelllllll
    [11/5/2013 1:59:03 PM] Bonnie Lerma: they told me to be there at 1:45 tomorrow....I sat there for a few seconds and the afternoon??...she said yes....I said am I supposed to go for nearly 24 hours without a drink of water??? She said..(kinda sheepishly) yes ......I said how can this happen..what is that Dr thinking of...she kept saying..I'm sorry mam....I told her I knew it wasnt her fault...I've been unhappy with this Dr from the get-go...but just thought to let it go and get it over with....
    [11/5/2013 1:59:49 PM] Bonnie Lerma: I've just been waiting for it to be over with and now I find out all this crap
    [11/5/2013 2:02:37 PM] Bonnie Lerma: she asked if I wanted to reschedule the appt....I said and go through all this stuff again???
    [11/5/2013 2:09:31 PM] Bonnie Lerma: ooooops the phone just rang and it was the hosp saying they were gonna give me a new arrival time. She said to be there at 10:45. I said that sure sounds a lot better than keeping someone waiting for all that time. It's still a lot later than all other Drs do but I'm glad for it.

    [11/5/2013 2:10:49 PM] Bonnie Lerma: gee whiz.....I got hooked up with this Dr in the first place because of Meg...!!!! (rofl)
    [11/5/2013 2:12:24 PM] Bonnie Lerma: thats a long story I'll tell you some day when we're having a "bit o' the grape"....ppppffffftttttt.....
    [11/5/2013 2:13:03 PM] Bonnie Lerma: glad to have email back...nothing is selling on eBay
    [11/5/2013 2:14:54 PM] Bonnie Lerma: woke up this AM hurting all over as I had a grueling workout at therapy yesterday...hand and feet on top of it all....and I couldn't even have some comfort maybe a DONUT!!!!!!!!haaaarrrffff (mm)
    [11/5/2013 2:15:45 PM] Bonnie Lerma: at this moment I would even eat a black olive... ]:)

    what a day!!...started the jug at 2:30....supposed to drink a 12 oz glass every 10 mins...gawd!!..and it tasted ugly...I can't even do that with plain water. I got about 2/3 of the way down on that jug (nearly a gallon) and just couldn't hack it anymore...was getting sick to my stomach, starting to hurt and crap...and chugging that talk about ruining your day..was getting cold and dehydrated I guess cause I just couldnt take a drink of water with my gut full...yeee gads what an afternoon

    [11/5/2013 8:25:36 PM] Bonnie Lerma: I pitched about a quarter of the damn thing in the sink...if my colon isn't clean enough for him he can kiss it!!! am allowed liquids till midnight but will be going to bed pretty soon..had some jello and a popsicle and that will be all I'm allowed till the thing is done. I will get to the hosp at 10:45 and probably won't get to the OR till noon...wish I had never seen this DR..
    [11/5/2013 8:27:07 PM] Bonnie Lerma: my own mistake..never had this happen with the other Drs...thats what I get with foolin around with a Nigerian from africa....a big black one at that !!!!! :^)
    [11/5/2013 8:28:07 PM] Bonnie Lerma: shouldnt say that...I'm just tired hungry and pissed....but you can't say I'm full of shit!!!!!  harrfff.. (rofl)
    [11/5/2013 8:29:14 PM] Bonnie Lerma: gonna get the bed ready...I love you Tater...niteynite... (yawn)(hug)(heart)

    Wednesday, November 6th, 2013  (Day of colonoscopy)

    I'm not even going to begin to tell you what this day has been..too much total bull shit!!!
    [11/6/2013 6:56:09 PM] Bonnie Lerma: I'm gonna shut this thing down for the night....tired and sandpaper you Tater... (heart)(hug)

    Thursday, November 7th, 2013

    up all night with fibs and peeing 7 times...finally got a shower to go to my therapy appt...face swollen and red  kinda weak and shakey..cold sleepy..hungry..geeeezzzz..that procedure was a fiasco and the aftermath was not a good day...
    [11/7/2013 7:27:50 PM] Bonnie Lerma: had the ambulance here with my throat having 2 big balls (ping pong) on each side of my throat swelling..couldn't swallow..burning in the pit of my neck and about that time my afibs kicked in. Thought I was having an anaphylactic attack....the EMTs stayed with me till things got better...didn't wanna go to the hosp...
    [11/7/2013 7:29:18 PM] Bonnie Lerma: he said it sounded like my throat muscles went into spasm from being intubated...he asked me about it..I said if I had one nobody said a word about it....
    [11/7/2013 7:29:52 PM] Bonnie Lerma: don't feel like this right now..OK? will get with you tomorrow    for the whole thing
    [11/7/2013 7:30:31 PM] Bonnie Lerma: I'm doing fine now....know how I can tell??? I'm gonna go have an ice cream cone... (rofl)
    [11/7/2013 7:30:40 PM] Bonnie Lerma: back

    I've had 2 of them before this one without a problems at all....I was just unlucky enough to wind up with the wrong Dr....the one I had before has moved away ..I would have had no probs at all with him...too bad..I think I was given a different drug this time..but dont know that for going to look into it and be in touch with the hospital administrator and the anesthesiologist. I'm going to demand a copy of what went down in that room..
    [11/7/2013 8:40:23 PM] Bonnie Lerma: but for now I'm glad to have 3 days off with nowhere to go..gonna turn it in Tater..sleep sweet..I love you.. (hug)(hug)(hug):*:*:*

    Friday, November 8th - we got the call from JP at about 4:30 in the a.m. telling us that mom went to the hospital and was flown out to El Paso, Texas This was my last message to mom ... before we left the house for El Paso, Texas ...

    [11/8/2013 4:37:30 AM] Jodi Middlebrook: momma I love you. more than words can ever say. I hope you come back home to see this. I love you mom. I love you.

    She never saw that message.

    My Notes -

    Before this colonoscopy mom was in good health. She was walking a mile every other day. Cleaning up her yard cutting branches on trees and hauling them to a pile, moving rocks out in the yard to make little paths, raking up and making the property look wonderful. She was thrilled with her accomplishment and was enjoying it when she could be out there working. She worried about summer fires and wanted to keep the debris picked up and cleared out on her property. She was happy about the exercise and how it was making her feel and look. She talked that the exercise gave her a euphoric feeling. She was eating good. Lots of fruits, veggies, nuts, seeds and yogurt. She liked smoothies too. In fact, she and I shared pics of what our smoothies looked liked.

    The Dr. who did mom's colonoscopy was Dr.Odocha, Okay. The office phone# is 575.388.0133 in Silver City, New Mexico. Dr. Odocha was not the doctor that performed her conlonoscopies in the past. That doctor, whom I don't know the name of and according to mom .. had moved away. A friend of mom's suggested Dr. Odocha when she needed to schedule this appointment.

    Mom did have AFIBS (atrial fibrillation) off and on the last few years. She was taking _____ for her heart. Some of the AFIBS were pretty heavy duty and enough for her to call 911 a few times. She also had herniated or ruptured disc in her lower back which caused her pain. She was taken Vicodin for that and her hip that gave her problems sometimes too. Dr. Meredith Heidenfeld was her primary doctor. Mom had been told (or saw on the lab report) that she had CKD - chronic kidney disease. Mom and I talked at length about this on Skype too. Mostly trying to figure out what she could eat safely with this disease. I wish now I hadn't cleared the history on a lot of our conversations. Mom finally got to talk to Meredith about the Kidney Disease report and Meredith told her that for her age the numbers on that report wasn't bad and nothing for her to get frantic about. In fact, Meredith told mom that whatever she is doing to keep it up. That she was in such good health.

    When we got the call from JP, about 4:30 in the a.m. that mom was being flown to Texas .. my heart was crushed knowing that there was a very real possibility that I wouldn't ever get to see her again. I was absolutely torn to shreds that mom had to be flown to El Paso, Texas without any of us being by her side until we could get there. A three hour drive for us. The thought of her being alone and scared was more than my heart could bear. While on the road I was terrified to even call the hospital (Del Sol) in Texas. I did though and spoke with her doctor. I don't remember his name but will find out later, he was very hard to understand because he had a foreign accent and I don't hear well. Mom was given 4 morphine shots before the transport by helicopter to Texas. She was in quite a bit of pain when she arrived at the hospital (Gila Regional Medical Center) in Silver City and MAY have been having a heart attack. But I personally don't know what was causing her pain. She was still alive in the ICU at Texas when I called .. she was "out of it" from all the morphine. The Dr. told me that it was "very serious". In fact, he told me that several times on the phone. I picked up on his warning. He asked some questions pertaining to mom and her medical background. I told him to call me for anything for anything at all. He called me back at 5:51 a.m. (I actually wrote that time down) and he told me they were getting ready to take her to the ER to run a tube up her groin and to her heart (Cardiac cauterization?) and I asked him to please call me back and to let me know how she was doing after that. Again he mentioned it was "very serious, Jodi". He called me back within the half hour (may not have even been that long) and told me she passed while in the ER and before they could do the procedure. The grief was absolutely unbearable and Pat had to pull off the road. I lost it. We were still a good hour and a half away from the hospital. I had hoped I would be able to see her one last time and say my goodbyes at the hospital but as it would turn out .. they had already taken her from the hospital and transported her body to the Medical Examiner when we arrived. Viewing wasn't allowed at the medical examiners. I'm still angry that they couldn't wait for our arrival before they moved her. The doctor knew we were on the road -

    Trying to figure it out -

    When we arrived at the Del Sol hospital in Texas parking was crazy. We finally found a spot and then was told by the parking attendant we had to move to another location because we were at the wrong building. We ended up in the parking garage and maneuvering in that place was a fiasco in itself. Cari and JP had parked in a different location (they followed us to Texas) and just went into the hospital via the main entrance. Pat and I got on the elevator located in the garage and pushed the main floor button. That took us to the basement! .. talk about total confusion! You'd think "Main Floor" would mean the main entrance to the hospital right? There was a door in front of us after stepping off the elevator with a caution sign on it that read it would self lock when closed. We were afraid to be stuck in a stairwell on the other side of that door so I held open the door while Pat went up the stairs. We still couldn't figure out where we were. Seems like a sign should have been posted .. For instance, "You're now in the basement" would have been a nice sign to see. We went back to the elevator and pushed the button to wait for it's arrival ... when the door opened there was a guy on it with the same confused look we had on our face! LOL! We finally found our way to the main entrance and followed the signs to the right area in the hospital. We told a woman who we were and she said mom had already been taken to the medical examiner. And no, we wouldn't be able to see her. I was devastated! I really wanted to just hold mom's hand and say my goodbyes. They gave us a number to the medical examiner she had been taken to and told us to call them. We call and they tell us they don't have her body. Seriously?? They gave us another number to call another medical examiner office. We are again told no that they don't have her body either and that she IS at the first place we called. Man! what a fiasco!

    Let me just say .. don't expect a lot of help from anyone when you need advice on what to do or when you need to find your deceased loved one in another state. Apparently some medical examiners actually lose dead bodies or forget they are there in the first place. lol. Over the phone, the M.E. (medical examiner) told us to call a mortuary there in Texas so they could take care of the arrangements for us. That was confusing to us. We didn't want mom's cremation to be done in Texas. We wanted to get her back home to New Mexico. Keep in mind we had never gone through this process and was totally lost on what we had to do next. Our boys, Price and Dustin was on their way from New Mexico when we called and told them to turn around and go back home. None of us was going to get to see mom and it was getting hectic trying to figure things out. We went to a fast food restaurant to grab a quick bite to eat and to try to sort things out. I asked JP what mortuary back home he'd like for us to use. He said Tarrazas. Pat called information and got Tarrazas phone number. JP called them and they told him for us not to worry about anything. They would bring mom back home for us and take care of it all in Silver City. They really handled everything beautifully. Including the obituary. If you are reading this I have some advice for you when it comes to a death and you are left in charge .. and lost -

    1. Decide on the mortuary that you will be using and call them first thing. They know how to handle everything. Including bringing the deceased back home if they have died in another state.

    2. Ask the person about payment arrangements during the meeting you will have at the mortuary. Our meeting with them at the mortuary took place on November 11th, three days after mom's passing. We had to pay for the cremation and everything upfront, before it even happened. No one told us this. Thank goodness we had enough room on our credit card to pay for everything.

    3. We were seated in a room with a large table and asked all kinds of question. Taking a birth certificate of the deceased is helpful. Thank goodness I had the foresight to take it with me. Have the deceased mailing address and phone number with you too. Even if you already know all of this stuff .. the answers to some of these questions can draw a complete blank when you're in totally confusion and grief.

    4. Our mortuary took care of the obituary for the paper too. Have one made up and take it with you before you go. Along with a picture of the deceased. I had my Kindle Fire (and the USB cord) with me. I already had a picture of mom on it that I had planned to use for the obituary. Good thing I had the USB with me too because I had to literally transfer this picture to their computer for them.

    5. If you are planning on a cremation for the deceased you might like to know that you don't have to buy an urn. You can request a box instead of an urn. I was pleasantly surprised how nice the box looked when we picked up my mom's ashes. The ashes will be scattered during a family gathering later.

    * Random Memory - Expect to be called by someone asking about donations of parts from the body. Especially if the deceased is a donor. This really got to me. They called with the request so soon and in the middle of all our confusion as to what to do with mom and how to get her home. I was so angry and hurt that I couldn't think straight and told the person on the phone that the request was just too soon and that I'd call her back. What's more, I couldn't hear half of what she was saying to me with the buzz of traffic and people in the parking lot around me. I never did call her back. In hindsight, I understand why they had to do this as soon as possible and I wish now that I had been in my right mind because mom was a donor and for someone to have been able to see through her eyes would have been a wonderful gift. I messed up here but then, I wasn't getting a lot of help from anyone either.

    What's Next -

    I don't even know where to start on everything else. All these emotions, heartache and grief. All of mom's bills are scattered on my desk, most are waiting on the death certificate to prove she has passed. And all these emotions. The eventual cleaning out of the home, Cari and I taking what we want and putting stuff aside for John Paul too. And all these emotions. We'll eventually have to put the home on the market to sell and divide everything that is left. And all these emotions ... I don't think I'll ever be the same. I love you mom. Thank you for all these awesome memories, So so many of them Cute. (my pet name for mom). May you be in God's loving care. I love you more than all the stars .. And all these emotions.

    ** Mom's cremation took place on Monday, November 11th, 2013 at 1:00 p.m.