Friday, November 15, 2013

Mom Passed Friday November 8th - 2013

Below are mom's messages to me on Skype about the colonoscopy procedure. I left out all my own comments to better read what she had to say. She passed away on November 8th 2013 just two days after the colonoscopy which took place on Wednesday, November 6th. I believe she passed from complications of the intubation she had during the surgery. She herself did not know she had been intubated until she was told by the EMT the following day when she was having horrible complications at home. You can read what she told me under Thursday, November 7th. I'm angry that the doctor didn't keep her over at the hospital after the colonoscopy especially if she was intubated .. for observations. As of this writing, we are still waiting for the report from the medical examiner.  

Saturday, November 2nd, 2013:

tomorrow I can't have seeds..nuts or corn..not easily digestible..and a liquid supper..the colonoscopy will be on Wed. so I'll be doing all the "stuff' for the next few days..the prep is the worst part of the whole thing..

[11/2/2013 7:06:31 PM] Bonnie Lerma: turn your clocks back tonight ....we turned ours back LAST night thinking it was Sat....harrffff :D
[11/2/2013 7:07:27 PM] Bonnie Lerma: gonna call it a night Tater...I love you..nite.. (heart)|-)

Monday, November 4th, 2013:

hi..just in here for the first time today..had a busy mornin..therapy at 10..then the store and home to have a cup of bullion hungry..but I did have a bowl of cream of wheat this milk just sugar which was ok..
[11/4/2013 1:22:01 PM] Bonnie Lerma: had a few crackers with the broth and a few bites of applesauce all of which was allowed for today. gonna make some jello in a bit ..has to be yellow in color..lemon or red or orange for obvious reasons.

Tomorrow will be the bad day of all this business...only liquids all day...will start to drink the huge jug of stuff at 3 in the afternoon..yuck..and then sit on the toilet for a few hours....sure won't be constipated then... :D

Tuesday, November 5th, 2013:

I'm so pissed off my afibs got kinda wanting to start !!!!! The hospital called earlier asking all the questions about my health and that stuff and said they would get back with me a little later with the time to be there in the AM
[11/5/2013 1:55:04 PM] Bonnie Lerma: usually they want you there around 6 or7 in the AM...I always hated it that early but was glad cause all that time without any water was hard. I will take that jug of stuff starting at 3 in about an hour...and after crapping for hours you can't have anything by mouth at all. Only a sip for your morning pill. ....weeelllllll
[11/5/2013 1:59:03 PM] Bonnie Lerma: they told me to be there at 1:45 tomorrow....I sat there for a few seconds and the afternoon??...she said yes....I said am I supposed to go for nearly 24 hours without a drink of water??? She said..(kinda sheepishly) yes ......I said how can this happen..what is that Dr thinking of...she kept saying..I'm sorry mam....I told her I knew it wasnt her fault...I've been unhappy with this Dr from the get-go...but just thought to let it go and get it over with....
[11/5/2013 1:59:49 PM] Bonnie Lerma: I've just been waiting for it to be over with and now I find out all this crap
[11/5/2013 2:02:37 PM] Bonnie Lerma: she asked if I wanted to reschedule the appt....I said and go through all this stuff again???
[11/5/2013 2:09:31 PM] Bonnie Lerma: ooooops the phone just rang and it was the hosp saying they were gonna give me a new arrival time. She said to be there at 10:45. I said that sure sounds a lot better than keeping someone waiting for all that time. It's still a lot later than all other Drs do but I'm glad for it.

[11/5/2013 2:10:49 PM] Bonnie Lerma: gee whiz.....I got hooked up with this Dr in the first place because of Meg...!!!! (rofl)
[11/5/2013 2:12:24 PM] Bonnie Lerma: thats a long story I'll tell you some day when we're having a "bit o' the grape"....ppppffffftttttt.....
[11/5/2013 2:13:03 PM] Bonnie Lerma: glad to have email back...nothing is selling on eBay
[11/5/2013 2:14:54 PM] Bonnie Lerma: woke up this AM hurting all over as I had a grueling workout at therapy yesterday...hand and feet on top of it all....and I couldn't even have some comfort maybe a DONUT!!!!!!!!haaaarrrffff (mm)
[11/5/2013 2:15:45 PM] Bonnie Lerma: at this moment I would even eat a black olive... ]:)

what a day!!...started the jug at 2:30....supposed to drink a 12 oz glass every 10 mins...gawd!!..and it tasted ugly...I can't even do that with plain water. I got about 2/3 of the way down on that jug (nearly a gallon) and just couldn't hack it anymore...was getting sick to my stomach, starting to hurt and crap...and chugging that talk about ruining your day..was getting cold and dehydrated I guess cause I just couldnt take a drink of water with my gut full...yeee gads what an afternoon

[11/5/2013 8:25:36 PM] Bonnie Lerma: I pitched about a quarter of the damn thing in the sink...if my colon isn't clean enough for him he can kiss it!!! am allowed liquids till midnight but will be going to bed pretty soon..had some jello and a popsicle and that will be all I'm allowed till the thing is done. I will get to the hosp at 10:45 and probably won't get to the OR till noon...wish I had never seen this DR..
[11/5/2013 8:27:07 PM] Bonnie Lerma: my own mistake..never had this happen with the other Drs...thats what I get with foolin around with a Nigerian from africa....a big black one at that !!!!! :^)
[11/5/2013 8:28:07 PM] Bonnie Lerma: shouldnt say that...I'm just tired hungry and pissed....but you can't say I'm full of shit!!!!!  harrfff.. (rofl)
[11/5/2013 8:29:14 PM] Bonnie Lerma: gonna get the bed ready...I love you Tater...niteynite... (yawn)(hug)(heart)

Wednesday, November 6th, 2013  (Day of colonoscopy)

I'm not even going to begin to tell you what this day has been..too much total bull shit!!!
[11/6/2013 6:56:09 PM] Bonnie Lerma: I'm gonna shut this thing down for the night....tired and sandpaper you Tater... (heart)(hug)

Thursday, November 7th, 2013

up all night with fibs and peeing 7 times...finally got a shower to go to my therapy appt...face swollen and red  kinda weak and shakey..cold sleepy..hungry..geeeezzzz..that procedure was a fiasco and the aftermath was not a good day...
[11/7/2013 7:27:50 PM] Bonnie Lerma: had the ambulance here with my throat having 2 big balls (ping pong) on each side of my throat swelling..couldn't swallow..burning in the pit of my neck and about that time my afibs kicked in. Thought I was having an anaphylactic attack....the EMTs stayed with me till things got better...didn't wanna go to the hosp...
[11/7/2013 7:29:18 PM] Bonnie Lerma: he said it sounded like my throat muscles went into spasm from being intubated...he asked me about it..I said if I had one nobody said a word about it....
[11/7/2013 7:29:52 PM] Bonnie Lerma: don't feel like this right now..OK? will get with you tomorrow    for the whole thing
[11/7/2013 7:30:31 PM] Bonnie Lerma: I'm doing fine now....know how I can tell??? I'm gonna go have an ice cream cone... (rofl)
[11/7/2013 7:30:40 PM] Bonnie Lerma: back

I've had 2 of them before this one without a problems at all....I was just unlucky enough to wind up with the wrong Dr....the one I had before has moved away ..I would have had no probs at all with him...too bad..I think I was given a different drug this time..but dont know that for going to look into it and be in touch with the hospital administrator and the anesthesiologist. I'm going to demand a copy of what went down in that room..
[11/7/2013 8:40:23 PM] Bonnie Lerma: but for now I'm glad to have 3 days off with nowhere to go..gonna turn it in Tater..sleep sweet..I love you.. (hug)(hug)(hug):*:*:*

Friday, November 8th - we got the call from JP at about 4:30 in the a.m. telling us that mom went to the hospital and was flown out to El Paso, Texas This was my last message to mom ... before we left the house for El Paso, Texas ...

[11/8/2013 4:37:30 AM] Jodi Middlebrook: momma I love you. more than words can ever say. I hope you come back home to see this. I love you mom. I love you.

She never saw that message.

My Notes -

Before this colonoscopy mom was in good health. She was walking a mile every other day. Cleaning up her yard cutting branches on trees and hauling them to a pile, moving rocks out in the yard to make little paths, raking up and making the property look wonderful. She was thrilled with her accomplishment and was enjoying it when she could be out there working. She worried about summer fires and wanted to keep the debris picked up and cleared out on her property. She was happy about the exercise and how it was making her feel and look. She talked that the exercise gave her a euphoric feeling. She was eating good. Lots of fruits, veggies, nuts, seeds and yogurt. She liked smoothies too. In fact, she and I shared pics of what our smoothies looked liked.

The Dr. who did mom's colonoscopy was Dr.Odocha, Okay. The office phone# is 575.388.0133 in Silver City, New Mexico. Dr. Odocha was not the doctor that performed her conlonoscopies in the past. That doctor, whom I don't know the name of and according to mom .. had moved away. A friend of mom's suggested Dr. Odocha when she needed to schedule this appointment.

Mom did have AFIBS (atrial fibrillation) off and on the last few years. She was taking _____ for her heart. Some of the AFIBS were pretty heavy duty and enough for her to call 911 a few times. She also had herniated or ruptured disc in her lower back which caused her pain. She was taken Vicodin for that and her hip that gave her problems sometimes too. Dr. Meredith Heidenfeld was her primary doctor. Mom had been told (or saw on the lab report) that she had CKD - chronic kidney disease. Mom and I talked at length about this on Skype too. Mostly trying to figure out what she could eat safely with this disease. I wish now I hadn't cleared the history on a lot of our conversations. Mom finally got to talk to Meredith about the Kidney Disease report and Meredith told her that for her age the numbers on that report wasn't bad and nothing for her to get frantic about. In fact, Meredith told mom that whatever she is doing to keep it up. That she was in such good health.

When we got the call from JP, about 4:30 in the a.m. that mom was being flown to Texas .. my heart was crushed knowing that there was a very real possibility that I wouldn't ever get to see her again. I was absolutely torn to shreds that mom had to be flown to El Paso, Texas without any of us being by her side until we could get there. A three hour drive for us. The thought of her being alone and scared was more than my heart could bear. While on the road I was terrified to even call the hospital (Del Sol) in Texas. I did though and spoke with her doctor. I don't remember his name but will find out later, he was very hard to understand because he had a foreign accent and I don't hear well. Mom was given 4 morphine shots before the transport by helicopter to Texas. She was in quite a bit of pain when she arrived at the hospital (Gila Regional Medical Center) in Silver City and MAY have been having a heart attack. But I personally don't know what was causing her pain. She was still alive in the ICU at Texas when I called .. she was "out of it" from all the morphine. The Dr. told me that it was "very serious". In fact, he told me that several times on the phone. I picked up on his warning. He asked some questions pertaining to mom and her medical background. I told him to call me for anything for anything at all. He called me back at 5:51 a.m. (I actually wrote that time down) and he told me they were getting ready to take her to the ER to run a tube up her groin and to her heart (Cardiac cauterization?) and I asked him to please call me back and to let me know how she was doing after that. Again he mentioned it was "very serious, Jodi". He called me back within the half hour (may not have even been that long) and told me she passed while in the ER and before they could do the procedure. The grief was absolutely unbearable and Pat had to pull off the road. I lost it. We were still a good hour and a half away from the hospital. I had hoped I would be able to see her one last time and say my goodbyes at the hospital but as it would turn out .. they had already taken her from the hospital and transported her body to the Medical Examiner when we arrived. Viewing wasn't allowed at the medical examiners. I'm still angry that they couldn't wait for our arrival before they moved her. The doctor knew we were on the road -

Trying to figure it out -

When we arrived at the Del Sol hospital in Texas parking was crazy. We finally found a spot and then was told by the parking attendant we had to move to another location because we were at the wrong building. We ended up in the parking garage and maneuvering in that place was a fiasco in itself. Cari and JP had parked in a different location (they followed us to Texas) and just went into the hospital via the main entrance. Pat and I got on the elevator located in the garage and pushed the main floor button. That took us to the basement! .. talk about total confusion! You'd think "Main Floor" would mean the main entrance to the hospital right? There was a door in front of us after stepping off the elevator with a caution sign on it that read it would self lock when closed. We were afraid to be stuck in a stairwell on the other side of that door so I held open the door while Pat went up the stairs. We still couldn't figure out where we were. Seems like a sign should have been posted .. For instance, "You're now in the basement" would have been a nice sign to see. We went back to the elevator and pushed the button to wait for it's arrival ... when the door opened there was a guy on it with the same confused look we had on our face! LOL! We finally found our way to the main entrance and followed the signs to the right area in the hospital. We told a woman who we were and she said mom had already been taken to the medical examiner. And no, we wouldn't be able to see her. I was devastated! I really wanted to just hold mom's hand and say my goodbyes. They gave us a number to the medical examiner she had been taken to and told us to call them. We call and they tell us they don't have her body. Seriously?? They gave us another number to call another medical examiner office. We are again told no that they don't have her body either and that she IS at the first place we called. Man! what a fiasco!

Let me just say .. don't expect a lot of help from anyone when you need advice on what to do or when you need to find your deceased loved one in another state. Apparently some medical examiners actually lose dead bodies or forget they are there in the first place. lol. Over the phone, the M.E. (medical examiner) told us to call a mortuary there in Texas so they could take care of the arrangements for us. That was confusing to us. We didn't want mom's cremation to be done in Texas. We wanted to get her back home to New Mexico. Keep in mind we had never gone through this process and was totally lost on what we had to do next. Our boys, Price and Dustin was on their way from New Mexico when we called and told them to turn around and go back home. None of us was going to get to see mom and it was getting hectic trying to figure things out. We went to a fast food restaurant to grab a quick bite to eat and to try to sort things out. I asked JP what mortuary back home he'd like for us to use. He said Tarrazas. Pat called information and got Tarrazas phone number. JP called them and they told him for us not to worry about anything. They would bring mom back home for us and take care of it all in Silver City. They really handled everything beautifully. Including the obituary. If you are reading this I have some advice for you when it comes to a death and you are left in charge .. and lost -

1. Decide on the mortuary that you will be using and call them first thing. They know how to handle everything. Including bringing the deceased back home if they have died in another state.

2. Ask the person about payment arrangements during the meeting you will have at the mortuary. Our meeting with them at the mortuary took place on November 11th, three days after mom's passing. We had to pay for the cremation and everything upfront, before it even happened. No one told us this. Thank goodness we had enough room on our credit card to pay for everything.

3. We were seated in a room with a large table and asked all kinds of question. Taking a birth certificate of the deceased is helpful. Thank goodness I had the foresight to take it with me. Have the deceased mailing address and phone number with you too. Even if you already know all of this stuff .. the answers to some of these questions can draw a complete blank when you're in totally confusion and grief.

4. Our mortuary took care of the obituary for the paper too. Have one made up and take it with you before you go. Along with a picture of the deceased. I had my Kindle Fire (and the USB cord) with me. I already had a picture of mom on it that I had planned to use for the obituary. Good thing I had the USB with me too because I had to literally transfer this picture to their computer for them.

5. If you are planning on a cremation for the deceased you might like to know that you don't have to buy an urn. You can request a box instead of an urn. I was pleasantly surprised how nice the box looked when we picked up my mom's ashes. The ashes will be scattered during a family gathering later.

* Random Memory - Expect to be called by someone asking about donations of parts from the body. Especially if the deceased is a donor. This really got to me. They called with the request so soon and in the middle of all our confusion as to what to do with mom and how to get her home. I was so angry and hurt that I couldn't think straight and told the person on the phone that the request was just too soon and that I'd call her back. What's more, I couldn't hear half of what she was saying to me with the buzz of traffic and people in the parking lot around me. I never did call her back. In hindsight, I understand why they had to do this as soon as possible and I wish now that I had been in my right mind because mom was a donor and for someone to have been able to see through her eyes would have been a wonderful gift. I messed up here but then, I wasn't getting a lot of help from anyone either.

What's Next -

I don't even know where to start on everything else. All these emotions, heartache and grief. All of mom's bills are scattered on my desk, most are waiting on the death certificate to prove she has passed. And all these emotions. The eventual cleaning out of the home, Cari and I taking what we want and putting stuff aside for John Paul too. And all these emotions. We'll eventually have to put the home on the market to sell and divide everything that is left. And all these emotions ... I don't think I'll ever be the same. I love you mom. Thank you for all these awesome memories, So so many of them Cute. (my pet name for mom). May you be in God's loving care. I love you more than all the stars .. And all these emotions.

** Mom's cremation took place on Monday, November 11th, 2013 at 1:00 p.m.

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