This will be a running journal of all the happenings while trying to clean up mom's home and getting it ready to list with a Realtor -
Today is Friday, January 31, 2014 8:30 a.m.
Mom passed on Friday, November 8th of 2014.
Mom and JP had been together for 17 years before she died. I have their anniversary date wrote down as January 6th of 1996. I'm not sure this date is correct, seems like JP told me differently a while back .. but it's close enough I guess. So I don't know if it's 15 or 17 years.
for my own information - *** JP's sister's name are Toni and Candy. Toni is the one who is dealing with breast cancer. Candy's husband is very sick. Mom trusted and liked both of John Paul's sisters but NOT the twins, his nieces - Patty McBane and Peggy Rodriguez. I call these twins 'girls' but they are actually older grown women. Maybe around my own age. Mom warned me several times to watch out for those twins. She never allowed them in her home because she said they would take any and any and everything they could get their greedy hands on. Cari tells me they are on drugs. Meth to be exact.
Mom and John Paul Rodriguez (JP) were not legally married. The state of New Mexico doesn't recognize common law marriage. I've become the legal Representative of mom's estate and I'm trying to follow mom's wishes as to what she wanted me to do when she passed. She and I talked often. Almost every single day. She didn't have a will made out so it's been difficult and we've had to hire a lawyer to help us get though the steps.
Mom once told me she and JP were more like room mates than a married couple. She actually used the word "room mates". She was celibate for 10 years and not by choice. She often told me, sometimes while crying, that she missed dad (Ray) and how he would just grab and hug her, missed his touch and how he loved her. She said that JP wouldn't hold hands, hug or kiss or ever reach over to touch or pat her arm. He would clam up and refuse to talk when she tried to talk to him about it. She told me several times that there was no love in their relationship. Thinking of it breaks my heart even now and yes, angers me too.
She once angerly told me that if JP just wanted to be "room mates" he can start washing his own clothes and cleaning his own bath room! lol. Mom did quit washing his clothes but she had to clean his bathroom because he wouldn't do it. Mom told me that he never offered to pay for anything. It angered her that he wouldn't offer to pay for anything when she wrote out checks for all the bills. Mom paid for everything. It was maybe the last year (before she passed) that she pushed for him to start paying for half of the bills but there were times he still wouldn't do it without her having to ask him. Mom also told me, more than once, that JP is not always the nice person he seems around everyone else. That JP thinks only of himself.
I did see JP as a nice, calm, mellow, easy going person. Pleasant to be around. But evidently there was a side we didn't see when he and mom were home alone. But I guess that can be said for all of us. We're all usually a little nicer around company. I do know that he took care of the vehicles, kept a garden, watered plants in the yard, weed eated and mowed, and was good with his hands .. repairing things around the house and making things out of wood. He loved animals and spoiled his dog rotten. He loved the deer and a squirrel that would come visit the home often. He did a lot of the running to the post office for mom when she sold her eBay stuff. And he helped with the cooking. Mom probably wouldn't have been so upset about having to clean his bathroom, washing his clothes or even having to pay all the bills by herself .. if JP had just shown any kind of physical love/contact to her. And I'm not talking about sex. Mom finally lost interest in it herself as the years went by. JP had it made living with mom. It just kills me that he couldn't find it in himself to cuddle or touch her. She was afraid to ask him to leave because she was afraid to be even more alone. By herself in the home. She was always worried about thugs coming with the intent to harm her.
Scribbled in mom's hand writing on a piece of paper she stuck in her journal - "there can be nothing happy for the person over whom some fear always looms".
***I'm so sorry, Cute. I really am. I love you mom. ~ Your Sweet Tater***
Mom had told me she wanted me to sell her home when she passed. Mom told me JP already knew this and that he would take his things and leave the home peacefully when the time came. That he would go live with his family or find a place of his own. These were mom's exact words to me. She had said this to me several times during our conversations about her passing. John Paul would take all his personal stuff, his tools and his truck and go. That didn't happen. There's something just not right (Godly) about kicking a 70-ish (he was a couple years younger than mom) year old man out of the only home he's lived in for the last 17 years. So my heart isn't at ease unless I know he has a place to call home and will be ok. Cari has said JP can move in with them several times. That was the direction we were going. Cari has always called JP DAD. Here lately though she seems to be unsure of what to call him. I think because I myself have never called him DAD. I don't think of him as dad. He's always just been mom's companion and I've always just called him JP.
Mom's wishes were that Cari's home be paid off when we sold mom's home. She worried Cari wouldn't be able to keep up with the payments and end up losing her home.
Mom told me that whatever money was left after the house was sold would be mine. And the money in her bank account was mine as well. That's not what I told Cari though. It's a good heart though right, Cute?
When Cari and I talked about how things would be done .. I gave Cari a scenario of how we would divide the money. I said that IF the home sold for one hundred thousand she'd get 45 thousand dollars to pay off her home. I'd get 45 thousand dollars cash (to match the amount she got to pay off her home) and then we'd split the rest right down the middle after splitting the realtor's fee and whatever other cost there might be. We'd also split mom's saving account money after we totaled up how much all the bills came to and we both paid half of those. The bills so far have been - taxes on the home, insurance on the home, and medical bills have come in that the lawyer wants to see first. The lawyer has said he might be able to talk them down on the fees. Pat was paid back (1,553.69) for the lawyer fee we had to pay up front. Pat paid the full cost of the mortuary fee (2,215.16) to have mom cremated and he wanted to pay for that. But he wanted to be reimbursed for the lawyer fee. JP didn't pay for anything. I seem to remember him asking Pat if he needed help though. Not sure to be honest.
We told JP he could stay at the house until we sold it. We didn't want it sitting empty for vandalism. We wanted him to help with the up-keep. Mowing and weed eating, watering the plants on the deck and stuff in the yard. Keep the house clean and help us haul trash from the yard and out of the garage during our hauling days of cleaning stuff up and maybe some painting. He is living in the home rent free. Mom's home was free and clear until she mortgage the house to buy Cari's home. Cari pays that mortgage. That was iffy and a lot of times mom let it slide. Mom often had to pay for Cari's home insurance too. But before mom passed, Tony (Cari's husband) got on disability and was back paid for a lot of months while waiting for it to kick in. Long story short, Cari paid everything she owed back to mom. But it was a big source of anger, resentment and frustration for mom having to keep up the payments on both Cari's home and home insurance. Anyhooo, so all JP had to pay for was his utilities of water, electric and gas. And his TV/comast, phone and the internet and help keep the place in order while he lives there.
Cari and I had agreed that JP could have mom's truck and car. He was the one that kept them in good running order. And we wanted to show him that we weren't going to just take everything. I told him that I would turn the vehicles over into his name when I got the letter stating I was the Representative of the estate. The other truck and the motorcycle and moped/scooter belonged to JP and were already in his name. Cari and I had also agreed on other items we would allow JP to have. We told him if there was something special he might like to have he could ask and Cari and I would discuss if either of us wanted what he might ask for. If not, he could have. The other items we agreed to give JP were -
Mom's camper and the 5th wheel. The large entertainment center and tv. The recliner he always sat in. The king size bed they slept in. The video recorder and mom's computer. I really wanted mom's computer. She and I talked together via the computer EVERY SINGLE DAY. I wanted all her pictures of all her flowers too. I was the one that took care of the computer when something went wrong. It was one of the few larger items I wanted. But JP kind of bulked when I said I wanted it .. so I said he could have it. It's just wasn't worth a fight. And of course he could have all those things that we knew was his to begin with .. His tools, guitar, Nintendo, video games, clothes, shoes etc.
Cari suspected, but no proof, that the twins (JP's nieces) had been at the house so then we told JP that no one else was allowed at the home while he was living there. Especially the twins. (more on the reason why below) We told him he could go visit his family at their homes but that NO ONE ELSE was allowed in mom's home. We explained that it was asking for trouble for everyone involved if Cari and I suspected something had gone missing during our clean ups. We felt it best that no one else be in that home. This really upset JP. He was angry that he couldn't have people over to the house. I understood. But again, with the exception of the utilities, he's living there rent free and he knows we will put the home up for sale when we get the place cleaned out. We even told him to start thinking about getting on the HUD list and apply for food stamps since he gets very little income on his disability checks. I'm thinking it's best we get him out of the home soon and moved over to Cari's.
Jp later mentioned how lonely he was and that he needed help cleaning the house. And help with his truck. He recently bought an 800 dollar transmission to put in it soon after mom's passing. He has had this truck torn apart 6 or 7 times in the past and put together without anyone's help. My thought was .. he can clean the house once a week without help. He's living there free. I'm pretty sure this was just an excuse to push for the twins to be at the house. Again, Cari suspected the twins had been there already. Things on the deck ledge appeared to be missing. Plants, pots, just things mom had on that deck etc. And things ARE missing looking at the pictures we had taken shortly after mom passed. It was the Lawyers advice to take pictures of everything in and outside of the home. In case something DID go missing. But we don't know if JP moved some of the deck items to the garage or not. We haven't asked him yet. This is EXACTLY the whole reason why we didn't want anyone else at the home. It's terrible to be thinking someone is taking things or putting JP on the spot and asking him if they can have stuff. I think it would be hard for JP to tell someone NO.
Another red flag was that JP wanted Cari to wait before she came to the house for him to come back from town. He told her this a couple of different times she wanted to go up there. Even after I told JP that Cari didn't need his permission to go to the house he would still tell her to wait until he came back when she called to let him know she was coming. At one point Cari said the house was a mess and stunk bad. But the next time she was up there it was in good order and she could smell that air freshener had been sprayed. Ashtrays were on the deck showing he'd been smoking outside now. A couple of times JP made it a point to mention that he had vacuumed. In hindsight I can't help but wonder, have those twins been up at the house most of time!? Doing the cleaning and making themselves at home afterwards? I notice that on JP's facebook page he was playing a lot of facebook games. Was it really all him or was it the twins?
**** Side note - At one point I had to ask JP to quit smoking in the house. The envelope of mom's bills he mailed to me reeked of smoke. I worry it might make the home harder to sell if it reeks of smoke. Mom herself wouldn't let him smoke in the house. She had quit smoking 6 or 7 years ago. So this wasn't a new rule for JP and shouldn't have been hard to do. He didn't balk too much but I sensed he didn't like it.
I'm terribly emotional. JP has broken the only rule we asked of him and allowed the twins, his nieces (Patty McBane and Peggy Rodriguez) in mom's home. Mom never trusted these girls and never allowed them in her home when she was alive. She told JP he could go visit them but they could not come to her house. Mom told me several times to watch out for them (when she passes) because they will come into the house and take everything if they can. Cari tells me they are on drugs. meth is what she said.
JP had taken mom's truck over to Cari's house when they hauled the smaller camper to her place. We are STILL waiting for Silverback Towing Company to call us and let us know when they can move the 5th wheel to Cari's home. Anyhow, JP goes to Cari's house WITH THE TWINS to get his jack that he left in mom's truck. Cari was totally caught off gaurd and stunned that he would even bring them to her home knowing how we felt about them. They got out of the truck and the twins say their condolences. In the same breath they are asking Cari if they can have a tall metal shelf she had on her deck!! JP is standing right there with these twins. No couth at all! It hasn't been a full 3 months since mom's passing. WHO DOES THIS?? Cari had taking the metal shelf from mom's home to keep it for me and left it on her deck because it was dusty. When Cari told her she couldn't have it because it was mine the twin laughs and said "I had to try". Then they ask her if she has any extra material to give them! They then tell Cari they were going back to the house .. meaning mom's house!! To help clean the yard for their Tio (Spanish word for uncle)! Cari was so angry and stunned she couldn't speak. She told them she and Tony where going back over to the house themselves as they had been hauling stuff from mom's all day. Cari and Tony where just speechless. They could NOT believe the audacity! JP must have never told them they were not allowed at the home. Or maybe he had and they came anyways! I don't know. Cari and Tony went back over to mom's house and when Cari walked into the computer room and one of the twins is sitting there playing games on the computer!! The other one is out in the garage with JP and I guess it was her that asked if she could have the TV in the garage! The other twin came out of the house and JP asked her to get some soap for him and she went back in and got it ... she knew right where stuff was without having to ask where it was! I came unglued when Cari called to tell me all of this. I called JP and gave him a good piece of my mind and told him that I wanted him out of the house NOW! Pat had called him first from work and said the same exact thing. I told JP to pack only his personal belongings and go live with his nieces! And that for right now all the items we told him he could have, stays put including all the vehicles except for mom's car which he needed to get around. But that he could NOT take anything else from the home but his personal belongings. He couldn't have mom's truck. Cari and Tony had to stay at mom's house for two nights not knowing if JP and those girls would try to come back when she was gone and start hauling stuff out. Tony is a very sick man and in constant pain and Cari has constant hip pain and is absolutely exhausted from all that she has been doing ... This crap was just too much.
Previously JP had told us that he and his nieces (the twins) were supposedly looking to rent a trailer together (I'm sure he was upset with the rule of not being allowed to have anyone there at the home.) at Stage Coach Trailer Park when they all had paychecks around the 3rd of February. Last I knew they were going to go look at a few of them and decide on one to rent. Cari had asked the twins while they were there at her home shamelessly asking for stuff, when they were moving and they acted like they didn't know what she was talking about. One said something like "yeah, someone needs to take care of our poor tio". Mom took care of JP for 17 years! It angers me to think of what he might be telling his family now! Cari and I agree that these girls are just trying to take JP for a ride. They want his little paycheck for themselves and the addictions they have. JP has been drunk with them for the last few days and driving in mom's car. He takes some pretty heavy drugs on of which is 80mg of oxycodone. We really worried about his driving all the way to Central in his condition.
Ok, so JP leaves mom's house drunk, in mom's car, with some of his personal belongings. The next day he call's Cari and tells her he needs to borrow mom's truck that's still at her home and packed with stuff he had put in it, to get all of his stuff. Evidently he didn't remember (or pretended not to) that I told him he couldn't have any of the items including any of the vehicles we had told him he could have before all this stuff went down. Except mom's car so he can get around. He told Cari he needed help getting his torn down truck too. Cari questioned him 'what stuff' do you need to get. He told Cari all the stuff we gave him and his torn down truck. None of this set well with me! It seems to me too that JP just wants anything he can gets. No cuth about any of it either. Cari called and told me all of this, I was at the doctors office getting my scripts, I called him while in the parking lot. I laid into him and I told him he was not allowed to go back to that home to get anything! I asked him do you understand me? I told him he was lucky that he even had mom's car to drive in. I told him how I felt about the twins and asked him HOW could they ask Cari for anything when we've just lost our mom not even 3 months ago. I asked him WHO does that shit JP??! How rude and uncaring of our feelings! I told JP he knew better and he blatantly disregarded our wishes of those twins not being allowed to be at mom's home. JP started apologizing and was very soft spoken. He said he knows he messed up and messed up big. He said he was sorry several times. I was still angry and told him that item for item he was getting all the bigger expensive stuff of mom's! All the vehicles and larger items in the house .. and asked him .. you're not happy with that or what? I told him I had taken very little items compared to what he was getting. I started talking about all the stuff Cari told me the twins said to her over at her home and asked him how can those girls just ask Cari if they can have things? And HOW can they go into mom's home and make themselves at home and play on the computer? Ask for a TV that was out in the garage!? Who the HELL does that! He apologized more and during my conversation one of the twins takes the phone from him and starts telling me it was her that was on the computer at the house and she's sorry I told her they were both RUDE and that neither of them are ever allowed to go to mom's or Cari's home again. The other grabs the phone and I told her the same thing. I asked if she understood what I was saying and told her I would call the cops if I found out they were up there again. I said a bunch more stuff to those girls and JP but I don't remember all of it now. Honestly, what a bunch of greedy low life's.
Another side note as I don't know if I said it up there or not .. I had to tell JP I was taking mom's fifth wheel back from him. He had mentioned to Cari he wanted to sell them both. Or rent one out and sell the other. Or something to this effect. I just felt is was best to have the fifth wheel moved and left on Cari's property. So when JP moved over to Cari's the 5th wheel would be set up for him to have some place else to go to when he needed to get away from Cari and Tony or when Cari and Tony needed some alone time away from him. He was ticked that I was reneging on the 5th wheel. I told him I didn't want it for myself to make money off of. I explained what the plan was and told him it was for HIM that I was doing this.
Second day now and Elliot Key of Silverback Towing couldn't haul the 5th wheel for us. Very frustrating! I would love to just get this job done with already!
I'm an emotional mess and hate myself and thoughts at times. Some of those thoughts going through my head ...
How Godly is it to kick a 70 something year old man out of the only home he's been living in for the last 17 years? And for what? So we can sell mom's home and pay off Cari's mortgage? Don't we ALL have rent or mortgages to pay for? For me to have a little extra money (if any is left from the sale) when the home is sold? Is it worth the misery of one person to do all of this to? I'll just keep plowing through it. It was mom's wishes though. For me to sell the home and pay off Cari's first. And she told me several times to watch out for JP and those twins. For that matter ... she also told me to watch out for Cari too! lol. Thanks Cute! I'll get it done though. God willing, it WILL get done.. I love you mom.
Cari called me last night and said JP showed up with head held low apologized for everything saying he knew he had messed up and he wanted to get away from his nieces (the twins) and wanted to know if he could still come and live with her and Tony. Cari told him absolutely and explained that we din't want all of this to happen the way it did. That we hated being put in this ugly situation of having to come down on him and telling him to get out of mom's house. She explained that we were still moving the 5th wheel up to her house for HIM. Not for us to sell and make money but so HE would have another place to go to while living with them. Cari is emotionally and physically beat. JP is too I'm sure. And well .. me, it's all I can do to keep it together. Up at 3 a.m. this morning. Cried silent tears on my pillow unti 5:30. At which time Pat woke up and held me close. What would I ever do with my Pat. I love you Tune. I did finally drift back off.
Pat called Elliot at Silverback Towing and told him we really need to get the 5th wheel hauled and told Elliot we need to know within the hour if he can get the job done or not. Elliot called me back about 15 minutes later saying the truck was running but not moving. He apologized to me and told me they'd been working on the truck but just having problems getting it going. He told me to give Charlie of G & G Towing a call as they had more than one truck. Pat called and left a message with the woman who answered the phone and told her to have Charlie call him back on his cell phone. Pat was headed to Willcox. Cari calls me and says they want to go with Tony's friend. The same friend I didn't want to go with in the fist place because I worried that this friend might not be able to pay for the 5th wheel if there was any damage, a wreck or whatever. I told Cari that Pat is still waiting on a call back from Charlie from G & G towing. But Tony still wanted his friend to do it and Cari told me he was the one that hauled the 5th wheel to mom's house when she bought it and needed it hauled to her home. I didn't know all of this at first or did I? I'm a little miffed (but still emotionally from all the crap JP pulled) so, whatever. I just want to get the job done! It didn't sit well with me either that JP had told Cari to tell me that he'll pay for the haul and I can cut him a check when we go up there. I can't help but think .. Oh really?! All this crap JP pulled and he hasn't paid for a damn thing and he wants me to cut him a check for the trailer we are having hauled to Cari's so HE himself can stay in it? Yep, some of that stuff mom told me is coming through loud and clear. Watch yourself Jode. I think I will put that 5th wheel in my name after all. It's supposedly going to be hauled at 9:30 in the morning to Cari's. I hope so .. We'll see.
The 5th wheel was hauled over to Cari's today. Sure glad to have that done. Cost me 100.00. Not bad really but I was a bit irked that JP told Cari to tell me he would pay for it and I can cut him a check when I get to Silver tomorrow. ??? LOL! We hauled this 5th wheel to Cari's for JP to have another place to escape to if things got a little too hectic for him over there. He hasn't helped us with a damn thing! Lord please help me keep my head and heart in the right place and my feet on the right path. ugh!
*ok, I know I said this just yesterday after re-reading it. But is it really any wonder that I've spaced it? lol. He's a piece of work.
February - 3,4, and 5th (Pat and I stayed at mom's while in Silver)
We went to Silver and the first thing we did was drop off a truck load of stuff with Cari. She wanted all the stuff I was going to take to Good Will for selling at a flea market or for yard sales to help make ends meet. Seems they are always broke. JP didn't say 5 words to me. Funny that he gave Cari a big ole apology but didn't say 5 words to me. Oh well. Someone has to be the 'bad guy'. I really hate that he put me in that situation. But I'm glad he's out of mom's home now. I hope things go good for Cari, Tony and JP while they all are living together. I know how hard it can be. Pat and I have Pat's dad living here with us. Cari has always called JP - Dad. It was Cari who had suggested JP move in with them from the start. Before all the crap happened. And we were trying to get him set up to live comfortably with them. I have feelings (mostly mixed feelings right now) for JP too but I don't think they are as strong as Cari's is/was. Probably becasue of how close mom and I have been and of all the things she has told me about JP over the years.
We all drove over to mom's house to start cleaning the garage. While there, JP squabbled with Pat about the water bill he had sitting on the kitchen table. Since we threw him out of the house he felt he didn't need to pay for the water. But it's water he used for that month! The bill was only 18.92. I ended up paying for it before we left Silver. Later I told JP that mom's computer was now mine since I had to pay for his bill! I wanted mom's computer to begin with. But when I told JP I wanted it .. he balked, with eyebrows raised, so I relented and said he could have it. It wasn't worth fighting for. All of mom's pictures are on that computer though and we spent many hours talking together via the computer using email and Skype. It's just sentimental to me. The computer is a little under 2 years old (purchased May of 2012. I know because I ordered it. Mom paid for it) and cost a little over one thousand dollars. (1002.99 to be exact. Before the discount of 423.00 dollars.). If JP would have paid for his own water bill of 18.92 .. it would still be his! But it's mine now. ha!
The first day Cari, Tony, JP, Pat and I attacked the mess in the garage. To call it a mess is a gross understatement and I don't know how JP could not have been mortified with us having to clean a huge part of his filth. I honestly believe that MOST of it was JP's mess and not all just mom's as we had all thought at first! Yes, mom had stuff in the garage too but nothing near what JP had in it. So much tangled trash laying in mouse poop everywhere. It was very overwhelming. Cari has started a huge (and growing!) pile of stuff she has put aside for the flea market. We hauled 4 truckloads of stuff to the dump the first day. February 3rd.
On the 4th Cari came to the house by herself. Tony is a sick man and simply couldn't come out to help us. JP should have been there though. Cari, Pat and I worked until 5:30 that evening. Sore, dirty and exhausted. We hauled another 4 loads to the dump that day. Pat took Cari and I out to dinner that evening.
Before we came home on the 5th (It was snowing!) I wanted to get the utilities turned over to my name and set up on auto pay. I worry they'll be turned off on us and we need them on until we get the place cleaned up and put on the market. I paid JP's stupid water bill and got auto pay set up for that. I paid for his gas bill, 33.00, and got auto pay set up on that. I couldn't do anything with the electric until Monday. I was given a number and told I could set it all up over the phone.
Monday, February 10th -
This morning I paid 61.91 for JP's electric bill. Actually because I was paying over the phone the bill was 64.86. Service fee for paying over the phone .. Kiss my butt! lol. Anyhoo, the service for his electric was from Jan 2nd to Jan. 31st. So I paid a total of 116.78 of what should have been HIS bills. He didn't have to pay for rent living in mom's home. All he had to pay for was his utilities, cable, net and phone. I'm really glad I told him the computer is now mine.
I was talking to Elaine (girlfriend) today and she asked what the Medical Examiners report showed for mom's death. It had taken a while for us to even get this report and I finally had to call and ask about it. Turns out that they hadn't even mailed us one .. as we had been told they would! I don't remember the exact day I called their office but the letter came stamped as January 29th. It wasn't too long after I called and requested I get a copy that I got it in the mail. The Chief Medical Examiner is Juan U. Contin of El Paso County, Texas. The cause of death is listed as Arteriosclerotic Cardiovascular Disease. I'm not satisfied with this report. Mom had just had a full heart work-up and was told she was in good health even though she had atrial fibrillation that came and went sporadically.
Cari did finally get a hold of the anesthesiologist and he told her that Dr. Odocha wasn't following protocol. You'd have to go back and read this post HERE to understand all of tihs. Dr. Odocha tried to tell Dr. Rudd (the anesthesiologist) the he wanted to do the anesthesia himself. But Dr. Rudd refused to let him do it. Mom heard all of this and even asked them what was going on. What a shame she didn't just get up and leave the room! Dr Odocha didn't even want to put mom to sleep for the procedure. He thought she should have the colonoscopy done without the anesthesia! It's my understanding that Dr. Odocha is being sued for malpractice by others. I keep thinking I should get a lawyer to take this case but I don't know if I'm ready to deal with all of this. My heart is still grieving and I have a ton to get through yet.